


the truths of our universe

by allthistime



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst disguised as fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Late night thoughts, No Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29284614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthistime/pseuds/allthistime
Summary: Sometimes when Tessa is lying awake at night, mind swirling, she goes through it again in her head. It’s been something of a habit since her teenage years. When she lost her footing and starting drowning in the absolute mess that was her and Scott, she’d list out the truths. It’s been a while since she allowed herself to go there, but something in her pulls her down this particular rabbit hole once again tonight.Late night reflections, set sometime mid 2018 to the present.
Relationships: Scott Moir & Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Comments: 13
Kudos: 34





	the truths of our universe

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I've been in this fandom for 3 years but this is somehow my first fic. Like the summary says, I imagine this set anywhere from summer/fall 2018 to the present, so it's up to you. Enjoy - and leave a comment if you feel like it!

Sometimes when Tessa is lying awake at night, mind swirling, she goes through it again in her head. It’s been something of a habit since her teenage years. When she lost her footing and starting drowning in the absolute mess that was her and Scott, she’d list out the truths.

It’s been a while since she allowed herself to go there, but something in her pulls her down this particular rabbit hole once again tonight.

**1\. They love each other.**

The truths evolved through the years as things came into focus, but this one has always come first and she’s never doubted it for a second. There has never been a lack of love–-not even the threat of it-–between her and Scott. In fact, their problem was too often the opposite.

Her love for him often felt crushing. It’d brought her both the most pain and joy in her entire life. His love for her could feel crushing, too. It is big and loud most of the time, but she secretly loves it most in its soft, quiet moments.

Yes, a large part of their love was romantic, but it’s much more than that, too. They love each other as childhood friends, as skating partners, as the people who quite literally made each other’s dreams come true.

They’ve been through, and put each other through, hell. And she knows it’s cheesy and more than a little heart wrenching, but she felt their love even in their worst moments–-2008, 2013, 2015, now. Sometimes even more strongly then.

She doesn’t know what to make of this truth anymore. It won’t go away, even when she tries to will it into submission. She learned long ago that love is not nearly enough to keep her and Scott on the same page for longer than a few fleeting moments at a time. But then, what ever was?

**2\. They are indefinable.**

In spite of this great, big love, it’s never been simple with her and Scott.

They hadn’t been lying when they’d claim they couldn’t label their dynamic, their love. True, at times it had seemed to fit the plot of a romcom, but for the most part, it was indefinable and messy and not at all destined for a fairytale ending.

That had been their moral workaround for years when tripping through answers to the everlasting “are you dating?” question. The answer was always no (somewhere under the spun narratives and rehearsed pivots, of course), because it was true.

Tessa honestly does not associate the word “dating” with her relationship with Scott. Nor “boyfriend,” “girlfriend” or any other word that people were always trying to attach to them. In their best moments, the ones that mirrored that romcom love, “dating” didn’t even begin to describe them. For one thing, it wasn’t that steady.

That’s another thing about her and Scott-–they seemed to be constantly weaving in and out of phases and stages of love. She can’t remember a period in over two decades where their dynamic had been consistent for longer than a few months at a time. 

**3\. They are attracted to each other.**

Given that she’s been counting the truths since she was 13, this one took a while to make the list. Not because it wasn’t true, but because she (and he) refused to admit it for a ridiculously long time. 

Even before their lips had ever touched, and definitely after, they were driving each other to the edge with just their eyes and some questionable hand placement, sometimes without meaning to. But usually they meant to, if she’s being totally honest. God, the games they used to play.

Committing their lives to a sport that legitimately requires sexual tension certainly hadn’t helped them cool off when it all got to be too much. There was always another lift that had his hands all over her or a choreographic move involving staring deeply into his eyes with lust and longing.

This truth, coupled with the undying love promised by Truth #1, caused them the most problems by far. Their attraction almost cost them their careers one too many times. Sometimes she cursed the universe for the live wire that seemed to constantly sizzle between her and Scott. Why couldn’t they be like, say, Meryl and Charlie? No one had ever questioned the purely platonic nature of that relationship. But then she remembers the sex, and…yeah, never mind.

They knew, logically, that sex complicated things, but they really couldn’t help it. They just kept falling back into each other. At a certain point, it became a fact of life: Tessa and Scott have sex. That’s just how it goes.

And goddamn, it’s been too long.

**4\. Their boundaries are blurry (at best).**

A natural continuation of the “Tessa and Scott have sex” fact of life. It’s not just the physical boundaries that are blurry, though. Sure, lots of her memories of Scott involve his face very close to hers while his hands roam somewhere she’s too overwhelmed to pinpoint, but their emotional boundaries were never any stronger.

The overly sappy, romantic quotes that became his trademark didn’t even begin to cover it. The things he whispered on the ice, the texts he sent her, how he would genuinely tell her he had missed her after a single day off from training.

She was guilty, too, away from the public eye. She remembers one surreal night spent in a nondescript hotel room discussing names of future children she was pretty sure she didn’t even want to have.

She had always been a little surprised at how this same intensity had permeated the darker times, too. It wasn’t just promising to love each other forever in post-orgasmic bliss; dramatic declarations and sweet nothings would slip out sporadically even when they hadn’t had a real conversation in months. Even when they were involved with other people.

The last time she'd talked to Scott, he had casually told her that he missed her ass and she’d responded that she missed his dick hard against her ass. Then, in the next breath, they’d moved on to how Marie-France was doing, and remember that one time they’d pranked her on Halloween?

**5\. They are soulmates.**

Tessa almost pushes this one out of her mind, considers banishing it from the list. It’s much too sappy for her, and she’s not sure she believes it anymore. She added it in summer 2016, when just being back in daily, competitive training with Scott made her giddy and every synchronized stroke of their blades felt like magic. 

It remains on the list with the caveat that there are different types of soulmates. If nothing else, they are athletic soulmates (she knows that might not really be a thing, but let her have this, okay?). It's purely a fact of their weird, codependent sport that she wouldn't have a single one of her medals or trophies without him. And she still would never skate with anyone else.

They're physical soulmates, too. Best sex of her life, no doubt.

But the events since this truth debuted on the list have taught her the hard way that not all soulmates are meant to spend forever together. Sometimes it’s just too much. Sometimes people don't want the same things. Sometimes history catches up to you and finally does what it's been threatening for decades. 

-

Those are the truths of her and Scott as she knows them. For a moment, she gets irrationally angry, then crushingly sad as she adds up the list one more time. They have unconditional love, sexual attraction, and the soulmate factor. So why has it always seemed so enormously confusing and absolutely unsolvable?

She feels like the answer is on the tip of her tongue, but also a million miles away. It has something to do with choices. Choices and timing. And some X factor that she can’t qualify. She feels it, though. Or rather the lack of it, nowadays.

What was the point of listing the truths again? It used to comfort her to ground herself in the basics of their relationship, but now it just leaves her with a vague headache and a funny feeling near her heart.

Maybe she should fight harder for whatever is dying between her and Scott. Or maybe not, if it’s going to leave her feeling like this in the middle of the night again.

She slips into a fitful sleep, with the truths and paradoxes of decades gone by swirling round and around in her head.


End file.
